PAIN>

I'm very happy to see that, despite myself, I haven't complained about pain once on this site, yet. I break that habit today, however, for it is the first and foremost thing on my mind.

I worked my heart and soul out at a job on a horse farm(of course). It was a foolish task of youth. NEVER give that much of yourself to anyone, but Jehovah and yourself or family. Lived and learned.

You see, one day, just like any other, I was finishing up my workday with carrying a 50lb. feedbag down some stairs to a barn. Out of exhaustion, I suppose, I missed a step and fell forward hard on the landing. I sat up quickly, in shock for a few minutes, amazed that I had not smashed my face on the cement and thanking Jehovah that I was still alive. I made sure I was unharmed, finished my tasks and went home for the day.

The following day, Thursday, I was a bit more achy than usual, but I paid it no mind. Then, Friday, by the time the day was over, I could barely drive home. My back was in intense, sharp shooting pain. I practically crawled into my house and fought the pain until Monday, when I finally went to get it treated. Unfortunately, the place I went to was the worst place I could have gone (Dolson Avenue Medical, Middletown, NY). I went merely because it was familiar to me.

About a month later, my neck pains had gotten so bad that I hardly felt any of the pain in my low back anymore. The pain was on the right side of my neck, down my right shoulder and into my right arm. Then, from the bottom of my skull up the back of my head. These are the pains I suffer from mostly today, 7 months later. The pinching in the back is NOTHING compared to the upper body agony.

I've had two epidurals to treat the inflammation in my neck and they worked on the spots the put the medicine in, but towards the from of the neck, it is still burning and the back of my head feels like I was hit in the head with a baseball bat. It's only on the surface of the skull though, it doesn't affect the rest of my head. But that is enough to stop me from living life.

I wasn't doing so bad until a couple of weeks ago. January 22nd I was given the O.K. by Dr. Lester (Emerson, NJ) to return to work with NO restrictions. He said I needed to work through the pain and that sitting home doing nothing would prolong my pain and add depression and whatnot.
My jerk of a boss wouldn't let me come back to work for him (thankfully), so I proceeded to set and exercise schedule for myself, determined to get better. I am a very self motivated person, extremely stubborn when I need to be (and sometimes when I shouldn't, but I'm working on that). I was walking a mile 3 times a week, doing pilates daily for my core muscles and I even had a little dumbell routine. I wasn't feeling too bad yet, so I started going out in the field ministry as much as possible, which involved alot of driving. I was happier than ever. As the Dr. had ordered I got a couple deep tissue massages, as well.

Then one day it hit me. It was at night when I started feeling alittle sick. I get sick alot, so I went home soon after the meeting at the Kingdom Hall and I couldn't get up from the couch without wanting to vomit. I never did, though. I also had no other symptoms, but weakness and fatigue and my head started hurting even worse. It wasn't until Sunday morning that I realized it was all because of my head pain. I had showered and prepared for the noon meeting and just before we left it hit me: the intense pain emitting from the back surface of my head which made me feel that sickness again.

I still kept pushing myself. The Dr. had told me I had to have faith that I'd get better, so I tried. I'm still trying even now as I sit here typing as my head pounds and burns and feels as it it's so heavy I couldn't even lift it with my arms. What basis does the Dr. have for telling me to work through the pain? None. The more I do, the more intensified the pain gets.

I go back to the Dr. tomorrow. And if he can't tell me anything to help? We're gonna have to take it all into our own hands and sue for permanent damage. I'm so young. This stinks.

Even so, my life is wonderful (compared to what it used to be) and I know it. I try not to complain, because I'd rather be here with Jehovah and my family and congregation than anywhere in the world. Even if I don't ride a horse again pain-free until the paradise is regained.

What's 80 years compared to forever? A drop in the ocean! Think about it. I do all the time. Forever is a LONG wonderful time with no pain and suffering :)

-T